blasting stereos...

reminded of what he wish to forget -twice-

hey ppl.. how's it going? haha.. elson's been pretty busy lately.. also partially becuz he aint that happening lorz.. yeah.. he saw what he doesnt wanna see on fri again... not that the person has anything against him... or that he detests the person.. all he wans is just to avoid her... to see her as little as possible.. hopefully not at all.. hmm... yeah... den he had band on friday.. a total disaster for him.. it seems as if he cant play on fridays when miss chan is around.. actually he is always like dat... plus he plays by mood... so when he sees someone he aint really glad to play for.. he just cannot do it... sure.. being scolded does make him feel lousy... many times he has wanted to go train himself.. practice his stuff himself during wed7s sectionals.. but he has a section to manage... they arent exactly a motivated bunch of ppl... david's been sick, z's psychologically blocked 'cant tongue becuz i have a fat tongue' and ethan who thinks he's good enuf...if onli they can work together with elson.. elson noes where he's good at... but he has an awful lot of weaknesses too... got tone.. no volume... cant make use of it since the section is small... can tongue.. nothin to tongue for... plus rhythm aint easy to comprehend... got long breath... but never practice enuf. no stamina...damn lahz.. what he is good at is curbed by his weaknesses.. and also the band's strength... ok.. lets not talk abt it... yeah...elson went to z's house on sat.. which is ytday.. at 5plus... initially wanted to play and compose music... but they just lacked the mood... no inspiration.. den ended up watching scary movie 2... forgot its r(a)... hmm.. poor joyce.. think she kinda spent her time in vain... haha... sorry mango fairy!!~ lolx.. oh ya... she went to buy mango juice and it was super tempting for elson lorz.. den she still go tempt him... man... how terrible sia.. but he kinda made up for it by buying his apple aloe... haha... yeah.. hmm.. hanged till it was ten.. guess wat.. his mum called and asked him why so late.. and told him to stayover.. she's rather he stay over than to go home.. but cannot lahz.. u dun expect joyce to stay as well or go home alone rite? so ya.. went home.. but had dinner at mac first... haha... ordered a mcspicy double meal... had it in like dunno how soon.. and it was gone... yeah.. den they (elson and joyce) went home via train... den she was talking on the phone.. he is the very same guy my other fren told me abt... both ideas abt this guy are kinda negative.. haha.. funny lorz... lolx... like frenster.. band sia.. really easy to do networking... lolx.. and...

- "hey..what the!!~" (pushed away.. elson takes over..) -

sorry for hurting u
sorry for ignoring u
sorry for avoiding
sorry because i'm sorry

u may decide to hate me
u may not even wanna see me
but i dun think u should feel sad
because i'm not worthy of that

see u and i will hide
u'll see me unzipping my bag
or teaching my frens some stuff
but when i read ur blog

i just hope i never did
really hope i never did

elson here.. it surely has been a long time since i used the first person directly to blog... haiz... yeah... the above is my thoughts and it sure does fit with my blog title... cuz i cant really voice out wat i have said... to her... i dunno.. i just.. cant bring myself to do that.. yeah... oh rite.. its by no means a poem though... just fragmented thoughts... yeah... darn i need a haircut... haiz... did i really do the rite thing? dun ask me what have i done... i dun wanna say... im just asking a question to myself... man.. i kinda feel like that i'm shutting myself from the rest of the ppl...the elson with the (i).. the guy with personality type SIC/SCI... is asleep... the one who once felt love and rejection... now.. the one who rejects takes over...the vengeful and unfeeling creep... yeah.. and this particular me is kinda crude... vulgar and all that... definitely worse than before... but i just cant help it.. im in this transition phase.. i noe im just finding an excuse.. but just LET ME BE... yeah.. sorry abt that... i guess i shall end off here... ~sorry~ <- an apology to a special someone who will never see this...

question of the day: did i do the right thing?

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